Family Affairs: Kurama vs Zhu
by Harley Harlequinade
Summary: [PART OF THE NTV AND TTV NETWORK] A soap opera parody. Kurama and Zhu (from Towa no Mirai) are married. Kurama's a juice addict who likes to flush himself down the toilet. WARNING: This is insane and makes less sense than FLCL! Also written by Nezu.
1. The Hideki Figurine

Neko TV - Towa TV   
  
presents:  
  
Family Affairs ~Kurama v.s. Zhu  
  
Episode One - The Hideki Figurine  
  
http://hako-shoushi.tk - http://towa-no-mirai.tk  
  
Kurama: Zhu! Where's my juice?!  
  
Zhu: Uuum...In the garage. We ran out of room everywhere else.  
  
Kurama: Did you wash my clothes?  
  
Zhu: Yes.   
  
Kurama: You forgot to use the juice-smelling one! Do it over! *seething*  
  
Zhu: Fine... *does laundry* *hands him clothes* Here you go.  
  
Kurama: *sniffs it* Ah, the smell of juice... Kakusha! Where's my bendy straw? You took it, didn't you?!  
  
Kakusha: No, Aiko's using it to build a fort.  
  
Kurama: Aiko!  
  
Aiko: *carrying fort* What the *beep* do you want?  
  
Kurama: Where are my bendy straws? *seething*  
  
Aiko: I used them to built the industrial wall. *points*  
  
Kurama: GIVE ME BACK MY BENDY STRAWS! *seethes* Let my bendy straws go go go!  
  
Aiko: *throws fort at him* Here you *beep*ing go.  
  
Kurama: KITSU!  
  
Kitsu: What?  
  
Kurama: Hi.  
  
Kitsu:...  
  
Kurama: Zhu!  
  
Zhu: Huh?  
  
Kurama: I found your car. It's in my hair. *pulls it out*  
  
Zhu: Yay!  
  
Kurama: Oh, *pulls key out* Here's the key. *eats it*  
  
Zhu: ...Why did you eat the key?  
  
Kurama: I don't know. Quick! Kakusha! Get me some Play-Doh! Make sure it's the blue kind.  
  
Kakusha: *hands blue Play-Doh*  
  
Kurama: *molds key* There! A key! Made of Play-Doh... Let's see if it works! *jams it into the keyhole* Oh God, Suzaku!  
  
Suzaku: Yep? *holding plunger*  
  
Kurama: *stutters* The Play-Doh stuff is stuck. You need to use your plunger to get it out.  
  
Suzaku: K. *plunges keyhole*  
  
Kurama: There we go. Let's try it again. *puts Play-Doh key in* Hey, it works! *gasp* That reminds me... I gotta go on the toilet ride! Quick, someone flush the toilet!  
  
Zhu: *flushes toilet and walks away*  
  
Kurama: Okay, now someone turn on the shower!  
  
*Nothing happens*  
  
Kurama: Quick, someone turn on the shower!!  
  
*shower gets turned on*  
  
Kurama: Whee!!!  
  
Chii: Chii!  
  
Zhu: Hey look, it's Chii from Chobits!  
  
Chii: Hideki! *points*  
  
Kurama: *gasp* Quick, Kakusha, get me some Play-Doh!  
  
Kakusha: *hands Play-Doh*  
  
Kurama: I'll make Hideki out of this Play-Doh!  
  
Chii: Hideki!  
  
Kurama: *makes a little Hideki figurine out of Play-Doh* There, Hideki. *holds it out*  
  
Chii: Hideki!   
  
Kurama: Ohmigosh, I forgot to give it a nose! *mushes up the face* Omigosh, Suzaku!  
  
Suzaku: Huh?  
  
Kurama: Fix Hideki.  
  
Suzaku: K. *removes groin area*  
  
Kurama: Omigosh, if Hideki gets neutered...I'll never be born! I'll fix that! Quick, Kakusha, get me some Play-Doh!  
  
Kakusha: *hands him Play-Doh*  
  
Kurama: *makes a guy's thing out of Play-Doh* There. A dick! *sticks it on*   
  
Zhu: Um...it's too big. It's bigger than the person.  
  
Kurama: I'll fix that! I'll just cut a little bit of it off... *cuts a piece of it off* There. Perfect.  
  
Zhu: Now it just looks like he was half-neutered.  
  
Kurama: Omigosh, if Hideki is half-neutered, I'll be half-born! Quick Kakusha, get me some Play-Doh!  
  
Kakusha: *hands him Play-Doh*  
  
Kurama: I'll just get the other half in... There.  
  
Zhu: Now it's back to the way it was.  
  
Kurama: Uh... who cares?  
  
Chii: Hideki!  
  
Kurama: Well, off to the juice bar!  
  
Hinageshi: Sorry you can't leave!  
  
Kurama: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! IT'S-IT'S-IT'S HINAGESHI...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALRIGHT! Zhu, you have to come. Otherwise Hinageshi won't leaave. Unless... Zhu, you can't come anymore! Now should I use Arashi... or Kagesuke? *Dun dun dunnnnnnn* 


	2. Kuwabara's Invention, The Chibi Machine

Neko TV - Towa TV   
  
presents:  
  
Family Affairs ~Kurama v.s. Zhu  
  
Episode Two - Kuwabara's Invention,The Chibi Machine  
  
http://hako-shoushi.tk - http://towa-no-mirai.tk  
  
Kuwabara: Hey guys I just created this machine thingy that turns you chibi! You wanna try it out?!  
  
Zhu: Uhhh...Ok!  
  
Reikai Tantei (not Kuwabara), Zhu, Aiko, Kitsu, Kakusha, Chiharu, Kushiye: *walk inside the chibi machine*  
  
Kuwabara: Let's see now uhhhhhh...*drools* uhhh how's does this work...oh yeah all I have to do is pull this lever... *pulls lever*  
  
*Everyone comes out chibified*  
  
Kurama: IT WORKED! YAY! HOORAY, I'M CUTE AGAIN!!!...WAIT A SECOND, MY VOICE! OH NO, I SOUND LIKE A DEMENTED CHIPMUNK! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *gasp* Chibi Peoples! *picks up Yusuke* MUAHAHAHAHAHA!*eats Yusuke*  
  
Yusuke: NUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! WAIT MY VOICE TOOO?! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!  
  
Zhu: OH NO, I THINK BECAUSE WE ARE ALL CHIBI WE HAVE VERY SQUEAKY VOICES!!!  
  
Hiei: I SEE THAT YOUR VOICE DIDN'T CHANGE MUCH ZHU! WHAT?! MY VOICE! MY BEAUTIFUL VOICE! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BEAUTIFUL VOICE!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *picks up Hiei* Hiei, it's your fault that Kurama is addicted to juice and it's your fault that everyone turned chibi, and that is why I am going to eat you! *eats Hiei*  
  
Hiei:NOOOOOOOOO,AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *picks up Kurama* REVENGE!!! *eats Kurama*  
  
Zhu:NOOOOOOOOOOOO, KURAMA!!!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *picks up Zhu* Zhu I save for later...*puts Zhu to the side*  
  
Kushiye: *tries to escape but Little Kagesuke gets Kushiye*  
  
Little Kagesuke: Someone is being very bad. I have a special punishment for very bad people's...I'm gonna make you forget how to do...Math! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Kushiye:NOOOOOOOO! PLEASE, I'M TO YOUNG TO FORGET MATH...well actually I'm pretty old...BUT STILL!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *stares at Kushiye then throws her out a window*  
  
Kushiye:WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
  
Little Kagesuke: *picks up Kakusha* Kakusha, Kakusha, Kakusha, when will you ever learn that I am always correct...*eats Kakusha*  
  
Little Kagesuke: *picks up Chiharu,Aiko,Kitsu* MORE REVENGE!!! *eats them*  
  
Zhu:OH NO!!!  
  
Little Kagesuke: Wait, something is missing...oh yeah! *spits Kurama back out* Now Zhu has a little friend to play with...*takes Zhu and splashes mud on her* Now Zhu is all dirty. Kurama needs to wash Zhu *gets water and sprays it on Zhu* Now that you are all very clean * * * *  
  
Narrator:But everyone eventually got out......Kagesuke spit them all out. 


	3. Life in Kagesuke's Room

Neko TV - Towa TV   
  
presents:  
  
Family Affairs ~Kurama v.s. Zhu  
  
Episode Three - Life in Kagesuke's Room  
  
http://hako-shoushi.tk - http://towa-no-mirai.tk  
  
Cabbage Patch Kids:*were attacking and taking over Kagesuke's room*  
  
Kagesuke:huh? AHHHHHHHHH!!! uhh...uhh...Chiharu!!!  
  
Chiharu:What is it Kagesuke?  
  
Kagesuke:Look behind you...  
  
Chiharu:Oh no not you to, we went through the same thing with Kakusha,look it's all part of becoming a man.  
  
Kagesuke:No there is something behind you...  
  
Chiharu:Now one more word and I'm going to have to lock you in your room.  
  
Kagesuke:But...but...  
  
Chiharu:Oh! Sorry now I'm gonna have to lock you in your room for eighteen years.  
  
Kagesuke:NOOOOOO!  
  
Chiharu: *locks the door*  
  
Cabbage Patch Kids: *continuously haunt Kagesuke in his room*  
  
*eighteen years later*  
  
Chiharu:Ok you can come out now...*unlocks the door* now are you over that problem yet?  
  
Kagesuke:But I never had a problem in the first place, look behind you...  
  
Chiharu:Sorry but until you get over your problem I'm gonna have to lock you in your room again.*locks the door*  
  
Opposite Kakusha:Helloooooooooooooooo *haunts Kagesuke in his room* Would you llllllllike a popsssssssssicllllllllllllllle?  
  
Kagesuke:uhh...no?  
  
*ten years later*  
  
Chiharu:*unlocks the door* Ok have you gotten over your little problem yet?  
  
Kagesuke:Uhh..um..yes...can I get out now?  
  
Chiharu:Yep!  
  
Kagesuke:Finally!  
  
Kurama:Zhu?!  
  
Zhu:Yeah?  
  
Kagesuke:Kurama!  
  
Kurama:Yeah? Oh don't worry Chiharu told everyone about your little problem.  
  
Kagesuke:What?!  
  
Kurama:Now we did the same thing to Kakusha and look how he turned out now.  
  
Kakusha:Hey guys how do you use the toilet again? I forgot.  
  
Kagesuke:Okay...I'm gonna go back in my room for a while and uhh...do stuff.  
  
*in Kagesuke's room*  
  
Cabbage Patch Kids: *came back in his room for revenge*  
  
Kagesuke:Omigosh!Kurama! I need you to take everything out of my room including the things that are living.  
  
Kurama:Zhu,Kagesuke want's me to take everything out of his room!  
  
Zhu:Oh no he's at that stage where he is unsure of what he is...Kakusha went through the same thing...maybe you better talk to him.Oh and uhh make sure you talk to Kakusha about Miroku that he keep's in his closet that he get's ideas from.  
  
Kurama:Okay! *goes to Kagesuke's room* Now Kagesuke you are going to regret it when we take all your stuff out and replace it with pink fluffy things.  
  
Kagesuke:But that's not why.  
  
Kurama:Well I hope this little talk worked because I had the same kinds of talks with Kakusha and look how he turned out.  
  
Kakusha:*goes to his closet in his room* Hey Miroku what should I do next?  
  
Kurama:Kakusha it's time for our everyday talk! *goes to Kakusha's room*  
  
Kurama:Now Kakusha I know you are getting ideas from this Miroku guy and I think he is not giving very good ideas for you...now what do you have to say for yourself.  
  
Kakusha:Eh.  
  
Kurama:Oh, well then wanna go get some ice cream?  
  
Kakusha:Eh,Okay. 


End file.
